Who Is the “Excellent Wife” in Proverbs 31?
Proverbs 31 is a classic biblical text on being an amazing wife.
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels" (v. 10). On reading this passage again this week, though, it struck me how marginal motherhood is in this idealized description of a godly wife.
She cares for her household (vv. 15, 21) which likely includes children, but probably included servants, other workers, and extended family, too. Children are only mentioned at the end: they "rise up and call her blessed" (v. 28). But her activities are far more expansive than motherhood. The emphasis is on the fruit of her hands (v. 31) more than the fruit of her womb.
All this confirms what the Bible says at the beginning of humanity's cultural mandate to be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth. One could be tempted to think that being fruitful is for the women, and subduing is for the men. But that is not what it says. Both tasks are given to man and woman.
The emphasis of Proverbs 31 seems to be the wife taking dominion over the earth. What are some implications of this insight?
1. The gifts, talents, and abilities of a wife matter.
You might take offense that this even needs to be stated, but it is not uncommon for a Christian wife and mother to think her primary value is in caring for children. Caring for children is work that should be esteemed by a community, and without doubt motherhood is beautiful, essential, and rewarding. But often Christian women have other gifts they feel God has given them and are left not utilized.
This is not unique to Christian women, but how does God's word view the gifts, talents, and abilities of godly women. What are some of the things we see the excellent wife in Proverbs doing?
trusted partner with her husband (vv11-12)
garment producer (v13)
farm to table chef (v14)
real estate investor (v16)
farmer and winemaker (v16)
physically strong (v17)
business owner (v18)
humanitarian who cares for the poor (v20)
interior designer (v22)
non-anxious presence (25)
philosopher, discipler and counselor (v26)
In this list we see artistic, administrative, intellectual, physical, leadership, and even psychological gifts. Whatever godly ambition a Christian wife might have to make an impact on the world, they can probably find a rationale for it here. It is not only that they have permission to put those gifts to use, God expects them to do so. The world needs those talents and wisdom. The church needs those gifts and industriousness. And church leaders must open doorways for those gifts to be utilized in the church.
But I imagine that Christian women have diverse responses to a list like this. Some will find it freeing and inspiring: "God values and wants me to use my gifts!" But others will see this list as a burden that multiplies (a maybe already present) guilt: "I am expected to do ALL those things. Impossible! Are you trying to make me feel like a failure?"
That is why we need a second insight from this passage:
2. The responsibilities of a home are expansive.
Some wives might say, "I am trying to manage a home, and that by itself is a full life for me. I'm not sure I can take on more than that." Should she feel guilty?
Modern culture has often viewed the home as a narrow prison where traditionally women have been confined to menial tasks and limited opportunities. Men get to advance in their careers, free to explore open opportunities, while woman are trapped in drudgery.
The truth is that reality is often just the opposite. Most modern corporate work places are actually far narrower (and more like slavery) than the work of a home. The wife in a home is the queen of a small kingdom. She is an artist and a teacher of wisdom to little human beings. Her home is a place of both frugality and feasting. It is a place of grueling work and deep rest. It brings together finance, administration, physical labor, design, and care for the marginalized. The work is expansive and demanding. It's glorious. G. K. Chesterton says:
If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home...But if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless and of small import to the soul, then as I say, I give it up; I do not know what the words mean. To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors and holidays...to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.
If you are a wife running a home, maybe it is encouraging to see the breadth and depth of the dominion you are currently taking over one little piece of God's good green earth.
Sharing these thoughts with my wife, she added how important perseverance is, especially in motherhood and running a home. It is a long obedience. It is hard. There are times of evident fruit and times of discouragement.
So some might say, "I still fall short." Here is one more word of encouragement.
3. Ultimately, the excellent wife in this passage is the bride of the Son of David: the church.
The truth is, no one wife is the Proverbs 31 woman. Who really could be? Do you even know one person who can accomplish everything on this list and do it all in such a praiseworthy manner?
The bride of Proverbs 31 is ultimately fulfilled in the church. Jesus is the greater Solomon, and the church is his excellent wife, who is he is sanctifying by the washing of water with the word, so that she could be spotless in his sight (Eph. 5:26). In fact, Proverbs 31 is an interesting picture of the excellent church—wise with resources, caring for the poor, unafraid of the harsh weather of winter, the teaching of wisdom on her lips. (How much like her is our church?)
Part of a wife's calling is to be a picture of the church to the world (Eph. 5). So being inspired by Proverbs 31 is not wrong. And a wife should contribute to the church's calling to be the excellent wife of Proverbs 31.
But ultimately the vision of Proverbs 31 is not fulfilled by any one individual. It is done by the community. The excellent wife of this passage could only be the bride of the excellent husband, who is Jesus. He is the one who has already done all that is in this passage, and it is only in him that we could ever do them too.
